Just a Hyperbole
by sarcasticrainbow
Summary: Some of things in life that Percy never expected to happen was to be kidnapped and walk in on the the supposed God of the Sun with some hot chick. Unfortunately, these things happened and now he's stuck with the consequences. ApolloPercyHermes College AU
1. Chapter 1

Just a Hyperbole

_sarcasticrainbow

* * *

_

Some of things in life that Percy Jackson never expected to happen was to be kidnapped, make Rachel Dare a sandwich, and walk in on the the supposed God of the Sun with some hot chick. Unfortunately, all these things happened and now he's stuck with the consequences.**Apollo/Percy/Hermes AU College Elements

* * *

**

**One**

_Glaub mir es ist nichts so schön, nichts so schön auf dieser Welt  
Denn wir warn schon überall nichts ist so wie Bielefeld  
Ihr könnt machen was ihr wollt wir gehen niemals weg von hier  
Bleiben bis wir sterben in der Stadt die nicht existiert._

Globus Dei by Pimpulsiv

* * *

Now, honestly, there are always certain things that one never ever plans to expect in their life, but most of the time these odd things ended up happening in an odd case of irony. Of course, this idea applied to one Peresus Jackson as well. The seventeen year had never, ever expected to experience in what he would assume to be a very short life was: to live past his twelfth birthday and graduate High School since he had a nasty habit of getting kicked out of them in the first place, another was to make it to the really insane college he was currently in, and the last was to walk in on some really hot stranger (who of course Percy had learned very quickly that in the future would be the one attempting/trying/almost succeeding in stealing his virginity) with some really hot chick with some rather obnoxiously-sized boobs in what was supposed to be his new dorm room.

It was that event alone though, that had set off all the new equally challenging set of problems that had sent his life into a disarray of trouble. Such as getting kidnapped by one of his weird foreign room-mates and being forcefully kissed and another was to make his childhood-enemy a goddamn sandwich.

He wished it hadn't happened and he _really _wished that the mental images that event had brought would just go away. But just like the person who had brought them, they wouldn't.

* * *

It was a Thursday and the date was the 28th of August.

A teenager was making his way down a rather long hallway with brown doors and either side. He seemed lost, but one would soon come to fine that the teenager always looked this way. Eventually, the boy made it to his required destination, which of course was a magnificent bright white door. Tacked on the door, was a white sheet of paper.

_Haikus are easy  
But some do not make much sense  
Refrigerator. _

The boy squinted at the words, trying to decipher them into proper what he hoped to be English and cracked a smile when he un-coded it. Underneath he noticed, was another one.

_She dances lithely  
Seduction under the moon  
I- hey, a nickel! _

The door itself looked to be like some really expensive pure white door with some Ancient Greek symbol painted upon it and below the odd symbol was the piece of white paper tacked up with curvy writing.

Obviously whoever lived here had a sense of humour. He had a feeling he would regret thinking that though. It was a small feeling, but he felt it anyway but he shrugged it off.

Now, there were only two possible reasons as to why Percy Jackson had been accepted to the college he was in now. Either he was secretly a master mind genius and he had no clue about it or someone must of had to _die _in order for him to make it to that school. But here he was. Here he was, in the full flesh. Having survived the car trip with his friend from New York City to Brockport, New York, here he was.

Percy Jackson still had no clue on how he even had gotten accepted to the College he was in. Here he was though, standing in a rather cold dorm hallway in front of the only white door there. Every other door was a dark brown.

This of course could a dream though. At any moment, a man in a llama suit would come out and tell him that he had lost the Game and he would wake up, thoroughly mind-fucked and angered at the idea he had lost the Game within his own dream.

Normally, under very normal situations SUNY schools were but weren't hard to get into, but this one? This one was slightly different. This was Brockport. This was _the school. _It wasn't any better than Buffalo and was definitely not as crowded, but you had to either be rich as hell or be as smart as ever to even think about the school. Some strings had to have been pulled for him to attend.

Obviously, there must be some suicidal man working at the school or some man attempting to plot his death. Who else but a suicidal man or a would-be murderer would give a _full _scholarship to a boy with ADHD and dyslexia?

At least least he had made it to the school in one whole piece.

Percy shook his head. Best not to think about any bad things and with that, Percy knocked on the door.

There was some quiet shuffling and lowered voices on the other side of the really white door before it went quiet again. Percy squirmed awkwardly. Whoever it was behind the door was doing something. Maybe he had the wrong door?

But no, that couldn't be right. This happened to be the only white door on the entire floor and in the entire building. He knew this for a fact. Besides, the Resident Assisant had told him that he had needed to 'find the white door'. And from there, he had gone through some four-five floors in attempt to find said door. All the while, he was pondering what his roommates were going to be like.

The Resident Assistant had looked somewhat nervous when he had told Percy about his room. He had told Percy to watch out and be careful and that he would have to find the room himself because the floor Percy was said to be living wasn't 'his floor'.

Just his luck though. Out of all people in the campus, he had to have been stuck with the weird ones. No, not the smelly nerd or the creepy Asian who lived a floor down – but the weird ones who were feared by most apparently.

Again, he knocked again with that friendly thought, but no one answered again and this time he decided to take out the keys he had gotten, hoping they actually worked. Luckily for him, the key fit and the door unlocked. He pushed it open and walked in slowly, lifting his head up to talk -

-and promptly screamed and blacked out.

"Oh _fuck."

* * *

_

"Hey, I think he's waking up!"

"Son, if he was waking up I think he wouldn't look so dead still."

"When have I been your _son_?"

"...Since now."

"But you–"

"Guys, be quiet. He's waking up!" That was _her _voice.

_Ohshit, ohshit, ohshit..._

Percy tried to avoid waking up once he heard _her _voice, but it was too late. She had noticed his sudden movement and grinned widely before pulling him by the ear and forced him to be fully aware and painfully awake.

_Of course, _Rachel Dare would know where he was dorming.

_Fuck._

"You up woman?"

"M'not a woman!"

"Sure you aren't! Have you gotten me that sandwich yet?"

"I will _never _make you sandwich _ever."_

Percy forced Rachel to let go of him and stumbled slightly before regaining his balance. "So...What happened...All I remember is knocking and a creepy Asi–"

Suddenly, another voice let out an obnoxious laugh and Percy finally decided that it was a good idea to probably take notice of the other two men in the room. One looked like he was about to go out for a jog and rob Percy blind and the other looked like the embodiment of the sun with bright blond hair and was half-nak – _ohmygodherememberednow._

"So," Rachel asked casually, throwing an arm around his shoulder. "How does it make you feel?"

"What makes me feel?"

"Seeing your first man naked."

He picked the arm off of him with a frown. "Are you challenged?"

Rachel stepped back and stroked her chin with her paint-splattered fingers, a rather annoying habit of hers. "Depends who you're asking."

The teenager only grunted in response and looked to the half-naked man and averted his eyes again. "So...Who are you?"

The half-naked man laughed and smiled brightly. Percy really wanted him to stop doing that. It was weirding him out.

"I'm Apollo. Phoebus Apollo – the most beautiful man you will probably ever see! Some say I am like a God, with my beautiful looks and powerful libido And that" Apollo said lazily, gesturing to the man behind him with a lazy wave of the hand that Percy was damn sure was manicured, "is my less than attractive friend turned broski, Hermes Kyllenios."

Hermes only rolled his eyes. "Says the man with the pimples on his back."

"They're _freckles._"

"Pimples."

"Freckles!"

"Pimples!"

"Freckles!"

"_Piiiiiiiiiiiiimples!"_

"They're my many, many beauty marks! Don't make fun of my gorgeous appearance."

Honestly, Hermes didn't answer to that and pushed past Apollo and shook Percy's hand. "I'm sorry for my friend's less than average intelligence. The sun has fried his brain well past the point of proper function. You know."

"At least I'm getting _laid._"

"At least I don't have more children then I can count."

"Just...Just _shut up_. You know–"

They were both interrupted by Rachel whistling loudly. "Whoa bros, whoa. Leave the pussy-slapping for bedroom. _Now_, would someone love to tell me and Percy about what the Hell is going on right now? Because you know, I wanna know."

Percy on the other hand, didn't really want to know what was going on. He wanted to go and he wanted his mother.

"I want my mother." He said blankly. "I want my mother, I want a blueberry chocolate cookie and I want the image of _whatshisface's _naked body out of my mind for_ever. _Now, _what_, is going on?"

Apollo looked at Percy as it was obvious. But it was not obvious – this was Percy.

"Dude," Apollo laughed. "Dude, dude,like, dude! _Homedog_, you do know who we are, right? _Riiiiight?"_

"Um...Yeah. No."

Apollo snorted, but it sounded more like he was trying to giggle out of his nose. "We're your roommates!"

"No fucking _way."_


	2. Chapter 2

Just a Hyperbole

_sarcasticrainbow

* * *

  
_

Some of things in life that Percy Jackson never expected to happen was to be kidnapped, make Rachel Dare a sandwich, and walk in on the the supposed God of the Sun with some hot chick. Unfortunately, all these things happened and now he's stuck with the consequences.**Apollo/Percy/Hermes AU College Elements

* * *

**

**Two**

_She moves through moonbeams slowly  
She knows just how to hold me  
And when her edges soften  
Her body is my coffin  
I know she drains me slowly  
She wears me down to bones in bed_

_Must be the sign on my head  
That says, oh...  
Love me dead! Love me dead!_

Love Me Dead by Ludo

* * *

This was turning out to be a bad day.

Honestly, Percy's day had _not _started bad.

Well, yeah it did. But, it wasn't that bad as it was now.

If it were to be judged, tt could really be considered a normal beginning for what would turn out to be a very weird day. It's not like someone would purposely expect to walk in a really cute guy and his hot girlfriend and then pass out right afterwards. So, on scale between sleeping in and being eaten by dragons - the beginning of the day was just fine, even if he had been presented with a horrible wake-up call that morning.

_It was summer and it was freezing. The twenty-sixth of August had passed around and the weather had taken a drastic turn for the worse and Rachel Dare felt like her nonexistent but entirely there testicles were going to freeze off and if Percy Jackson didn't hurry the _motherfucking_ up, there would be some serious ass to kick. There were many things Rachel did not like and one of them was robot unicorns and the other was to be kept waiting._

_The redhead banged on the apartment door once more, trying to keep herself warm in the cold apartment hallway. It may be a rather cool sixty degrees Fahrenheit outside but it felt like she was sitting there in chilling negatives. Oh god, hasn't anyone heard of Central Heating before? Seriously, she was entirely glad that her and her friend were going to college now. How the hell could anyone manage life in this subterranean temperature? New York may be notorious for its far from predictable weather but this was ridiculous._

"_Percy! Peresus Jackson! Open the goddamn door before I kick it down!"_

"_Hold _**on**_!"_

"_Bitch, I am not going to 'Hold on!' any more! I am freezing my testicles off over here!"_

"_You don't have testicles and I'll be right out!"_

"_What are you, a woman? Hurry up and finish with my sandwich!"_

"_For the last time, I am not making you a sandwich!" _

_Rachel snorted. Percy hadn't denied that he was woman. Point to her. _**Ginger: **Over Nine-thousand **Percy: **-69_  
_

_There was the sound of something breaking and a body hitting the ground with a 'thump' before the door opened and revealing a very tired, very hungry looking Percy Jackson. The boy's hair was sticking up everywhere, there was orange juice all over the front of his sleeping shirt and he looked like he just woke up._

"_You...You just woke up didn't you?"_

"_N...No. I was just–" A yawn escaped and he rubbed his eyes " –eating breakfast."_

"_Is that why there is a large orange juice stain on your shirt?"_

"_There isn't a– Oh never mind."_

"_Whatever, we do not have time!" Rachel pushed the boy out of her way and stormed into the apartment before turning around to face her friend. "You know, what today is right? And if you say it's a Thursday, I will smack you."_

_Percy yawned again. "It's...It's–" The boy smacked his forehead and groaned. "It's time to go to college isn't it?"  
"Yeah boy, durr da durr. College time! A new step in a new direction!"  
"I thought it was Friday..."_

"_Son, if it was Friday then I wouldn't be here!"_

_The apartment was an entire mess. It looked like a storm had blown in and had left the entire mess in its wake. Shirts were thrown over the chairs, comic books covered the floor, pizza boxes were stacked to a wobbly tower of perfection over in the corner, and the Play-Station 2 was still running with the Kingdom Hearts menu playing over and over again. But she couldn't exactly place blame on the poor boy because she hadn't exactly left her own apartment/house/penthouse spotlessly clean either. After-all, with what had happened to his mother -_

_No, she couldn't let her mind wander into forbidden lands. Those were taboo thoughts. Biting back a shiver, she grabbed the boy by the ear and grinned._

"_Pack your shit, we're off to Batavia!"_

_"Brockport."_

_"Whatever, just get in the damn car."  
_

And with that happy thought, Percy had gone on the most painful drive he had ever experienced.

He was never, ever getting into a car with Rachel again.

...Even if she offered Candy.

"Hey, I think he's dead again."

"No one can die standing up."

"Really? You think it would happen!"

"That's a retarded thought."

"Your mom's retarded–"

"_Really_, Apollo? _Really?"_

_Oh yeah._

He was still in the room with those two...two guys. Now thinking about it, the woman that had been with the blond guy had left sometime before the time he had woken up apparently. And now he, Rachel and the other two men were standing in the dorm room he was going to be living in for the next year and possibly, for the next three years after that.

This definitely was going to end up to be a very crappy day.

Just lovely.

Apollo and what'shisface were fighting now. Percy hadn't been listening and wasn't sure if they had introduced themselves or not yet. But now, they had slipped in some sort of creepy language. It reminded him of Russian, but it sounded more old and they sounded more used to using it than English. And to a point, it sounded sexy - but that was only a fact, not an opinion.

Great though, he was rooming with weird foreigners with weird sexy languages. _Noooo. _He couldn't get just foreigners. They had to be the _weird _ones. This...This was just wonderful.

Now, they seemed to have forgotten all about Percy and Rachel. Of course, Rachel had noticed this as well and would not stand for it.

"Hey guys, I don't care how sexy or hot you sound in that language but newsflash, you guys are _awful_ Hosts."

Immediately, Apollo had shifted the blame to the other and shouted. "It's Hermes' fault!"

"What!"

"Yep, the man's a slob and never picks up after himself! Leaving poor me to do all the housework! He's so mean! What else would you expect from the G-" Apollo was cut off by a quick jab of Hermes' fingers into his side. "Ooooow! What was that for!"

Hermes ignored him and smiled a joker's grin at Percy. It was a pretty smile, actually, if a man were able to have such a thing. Though it gave him the feeling that he should keep a hand on his wallet and phone at all times.

"I'm sorry, we've been terribly rude haven't we?" Percy almost missed the dangerous look Hermes shot to Apollo over his shoulder. Apollo grimaced and laughed. awkwardly "Yeah...Rude..."

Rachel suddenly gasped and then swore, shoving her phone back into her pocket. "Oh shit. I supposed to meet my own roommates a few minutes ago!" The redhead shot an apologetic look at Percy and frowned. "I gotta run man. See you in class!"

"No wait, Rachel, don't leave me with th-" It was too late, Rachel pecked his cheek goodbye and opened the closed white door before flying out and slamming it shut before her, unintentionally leaving Percy alone.

And sealing his fate.

_Fuck._

Now, that he was alone. The other two closed in on him like vultures. Apollo casually draped an arm around his shoulder's and decidedly breaking Percy' personal bubble of safety that had been erected some few minutes after waking up. "Hey man, we're not bad people. You know, we feed old ladies in the Park and help birds across the street! You know! Good people stuff!"

"I believe you have it backwards, Apollo." Hermes flicked off Apollo's arm and smiled at Percy. "But I guess we have kept you long enough. I suppose you would like to see your room?"

"I get my own?"

"Well, durr." Apollo answered for him. "Um, like _no _way would I _ever _share a room with Sir King of the Thieves over there. Last time I did that, I couldn't find my underwear for a week. He does things in his sleep and he snores _loud _and not to mention he makes noises and, and, and as a beautiful growing boy, I need my beauty sleep and not to mention that it feels creepy to know that someone else is sleeping in the same room as you and that they could be secretly plotting your dea-"

"Not to _mention_," Hermes interrupted, "that Apollo sleeps naked. I value my sanity over my privacy."

"So yes, you get your own room."

Thankfully, considering he had been passed out for quite some time, one of the two men had the generosity to bring his stuff to his room and to his pleasure, they had _not _gone through it _(fuckyeah)._ And to add to his growing pleasure, his room was something he could grow to love. It was a nice size, fairly new, white walls with grey carpet and two big windows, and looked like nothing he had seen on the tours. He either must have been a severely lucky boy or someone must have had to really have died for him to get this.

Hell, there was a desk, a bookshelf, a full-sized bed with a sea of white pillows he was sure he was going to suffocate and die in, a dresser or so and a television. A nice sized one and there was cable to boot.

Bad part?

The walls were thin.

And he was stuck right in-between Apollo's room and Hermes' room.

_Dammit._

Well, at least he had a nice view.

Percy spent a good hour unpacking. It mostly clothes he had brought, along with the stuff he needed to wash and dry them (blahblah, detergent, some type of acid and bleach) and brought along a few other things he absolutely could not leave home without. A seashell night-light (shut up, his mom had given it to him), the blanket his mother gave him when he was two, his Play-Station 2, phone charger, his crappy Laptop, and a crap load of games he had yet to beat. He shoved the games onto the bookshelf, placed the Laptop on the desk, hooked up the gaming system, and shoved all the clothes he could into the dressers before starting to strip the bed.

There were at least twenty pillows.

But at last, when the pillows were shoved into a corner to be made into a small nest like thing and the bed was made, Percy fell face first onto the bed and sighed in relief.

It was finally great to be here though.

At last, he would finally be able to do what he always dreamed of doing. Screw the fact that he was dyslexic. It wouldn't stop him. He would finish this dream and he definitely wouldn't let some reading disorder get in his damn way. No way in Hell would anything stop him. Sure, maybe it would have better if Percy had waited a year or two. At least he could be a little more prepared...And be legal.

But either-way. To Percy, it did not matter. Seeing as the results would be the same of course. He would graduate college and walk away with what he went there for.

The bed suddenly dipped as there was added weight to it. Percy sat up and looked at the sudden intruder. It was Hermes and he was smiling faintly. Percy wondered if he ever frowned.

"Hermes?"

"Hmm, lovely room you have here."

"It'll be messy in a week– No, few days."

"Oh?"

"I'm a messy person."

"Ah, reminds me of someone I know." The man grinned.

"Apollo?"

Hermes chuckled. "Actually, no. Apollo really isn't that messy. He's just lazy these days, really. Hasn't had much to do really..."

"...Doesn't he have work or anything?"

"Nope."

"Afterschool activities?"

"Nope"

"Community Service?"

"Nooope...Wait. Do you count picking up Hookers being apart of Community Service?"

"..."

"...I'm going to say _no_ then."

"Who do I remind you of then?"

"Can't say. Ask me a question though."

"...Why?"

"Just do it."

"So...Uh...How old are you?"

"Well, how old do you think I am?"

Percy coughed and averted his eyes. "...Middle-aged."

The other looked somewhat shocked. "_What? _I don't even _act _that old right?"

In Percy's opinion, both Apollo and Hermes acted like they were seven year olds on shrooms when in each other's presence. But now when Hermes was alone, he acted fine and seemed rather cool and not like a weird foreigner. Hopefully, Apollo was like this too and maybe things wouldn't be too bad.

Unforunately though, Percy had taken too long to answer and Hermes let out a low whine and pouted. "I'm not middle-aged though!"

"How old are you then?" He asked. He was ranging between twenty-four and twenty-seven.

"Twenty-three...You?"

"Seventeen."

Hermes looked rather surprised of course, as if he had expected Percy to have admitted being older than seventeen. And to some degree, the man seemed slightly disappointed. "Really? You can't buy porn then?"

"Nope."

"Or alcohol?

"None."

"No fags then?"

"...Prostitution is _illegal_ you know."

Hermes blinked before realising and slapped his forehead. "Oh, cultural difference. Sorry, I spent some time over in England you know." He waved around a tanned hand and chuckled. "Such a cultural difference indeed! Fags are the English slang for Cigarettes."

"Oh. Well, no. I can't buy any of those either."

The man sighed. "Man, then you're still a considered a minor by New York State Law eh?"

"I can have sex legally, if that's what your asking." Percy said with a grimace. "But yeah, my tastes don't swing that way. And probably never will. No matter how much alcohol or how much gay porn Rachel tries to email me with."

The odd foreigner just clapped a hand on Percy's shoulder. "Tsk. This means you can't attend Apollo's wild parties."

"All right then."

"You don't sound interested. Normally minors go crazy at the thought of being able to attend a College Party. I mean, isn't that some of the reason kids even go to college?"

"I just don't like alcohol."

"Understandable." Hermes answered, leaning back. "I myself have a relative whose a –"

"Fat Drunk?"

"No. Well...Yes. But let's skip over that. Point is, he's turned me off of alcohol forever."

"Forever is a long time."

"More than you'd think."

"What do you mean by that?" Percy asked. It was a weird phrase. One could understand it, one could not, one could let it pass over and one would just think it over.

Hermes only smiled and began to toss something shiny back and forth in his hands. With a sudden realisation, Percy noticed that was his phone Hermes was throwing around and his hand flew to his pants pocket.

"How did you–"

The man ceased his phone-throwing and grinned again. "Oh, I'll never tell. That's the whole fun of it."

"...Well, I'd _like _my phone back."

"And I'd really like to go see a movie, wanna come with?"

"What?" The realisation that a man he had known for less than a day had just asked him out ghosted over him slightly. "N...–No. I don't even _know _you!"

Hermes shrugged. "Whatever suits you." He then stood up, gave a mock salute and walked off.

With Percy's phone.

_Fuck._


	3. Chapter 3

Just a Hyperbole

_sarcasticrainbow

* * *

  
_

Some of things in life that Percy Jackson never expected to happen was to be kidnapped, make Rachel Dare a sandwich, and walk in on the the supposed God of the Sun with some hot chick. Unfortunately, all these things happened and now he's stuck with the consequences.**Apollo/Percy/Hermes AU College Elements

* * *

**

**Three**

_On earth as in heaven, my soul needs you.  
But can your heart answer?  
Afraid you'd be part to consent to seal our kingdom._

_How I hold on; free from ever seeing your light  
touched you, so loved you_

_On earth as in heaven  
Your beauty is forever  
No martyr can ever divide our beating hearts._

Prelude by Globus

* * *

Four or so days had passed and Percy still had not gotten his phone back from Hermes. It was now Monday morning and September 1st. This meant Percy now had to get ready for his first day of college. It was seven-thirty in the morning, raining and Percy had no damn clue where he was supposed to go to go eat breakfast.

Sure, he had had all the damn time in the world to try and find the damn thing but he had gotten...preoccupied.

And by preoccupied, he had gotten harassed by his so called friend and his room-mates. Well, his room-mates kept asking him silly questions every time he stepped out the door and his 'friend' just made it all the more awkward. So he basically spent he entire weekend holed up in his bedroom with only his Play-Station as a friend.

With a sigh escaping his mouth, Percy put on his pants and grabbed his backpack before leaving his room with his eyes closed firmly shut.

It was only a precaution after all.

Why?  
Well, Percy had learned rather quickly that Apollo really did like to sleep naked.  
...And stay naked until he took a shower – which was every morning.

_Didn't_ help much that the shower was down the hall from the man's room either.

So to make sure that there wasn't a repeat of what occurred when he had first arrived, Percy made sure that he had his eyes closed until he made it to the kitchen and always prayed like hell that he didn't run into Apollo.

And so with that, the teenager started on his way to the kitchen.

* * *

Luckily, Apollo was still snoring and Percy was able to make it to the kitchen without being mentally scarred for life again. Percy peered into the kitchen (he was starting to think all the doors he had passed by to get to the dorm-room were just for show because this place was _massive_) and grinned when he saw the last Brooklyn Water Bagel Company bagel of its kind sitting on the counter, still in its box. He licked his lips in anticipation.

Those bagels were the best things ever in his opinion. He could live off of them. Which actually, what he had been doing all weekend when he could flee his bedroom. And not to mention, if he could succeed in getting the bagel from the box that meant he didn't have to walk around campus in attempts to find one of the cafeterias.

"So..." A voice suddenly pierced straight through his concentration like an arrow.

"We meet again."

"Percy." _Hermes._

Percy narrowed his eyes. That bagel was _his._

The bastard already has his phone and he was damn sure that a few other things of his were missing too. The teenager could care less if Hermes was excellent at stealing at just about anything – that bagel was the last one and it was _his_.

Percy stepped forward tentatively. "Hermes. Don't you have class?"

The other stepped forward with a bright smile and his eyes twinkled. "Not until much later. Now..How was your morning?" He started to step forward towards the last bagel slowly.

"I didn't see Apollo yet, so...It's been good."

Then, Percy suddenly dove.

He made it to the counter and grabbed the bagel, turning swiftly on his heel and back towards the door to freedom. Suddenly, he was tackled from the side and the boy nearly dropped the bagel in surprise. He hit the floor with a grunt and Hermes landed painfully on top of him. The other made a swipe at the bagel but Percy kicked him away before attempting to get up. Hermes made a grab at the others shirt and Percy fell back onto his back painfully. He again tried to get away, but the other was able to pin him down. Percy tried shoving Hermes away and stretched his arm away from the other and pushed at the other's face with his free hand.

"No it's mine!"

"I called it first!"

"In your dreams!"

"Give it up!"

"_Neeeeeever!"_

Then, suddenly, the bagel was gone.

"Where did it–"

"_Ah! _Delicious!"

Percy looked up just in time to see a robed Apollo finishing off the rest of _his _bagel. Percy couldn't help but just let out a low, depressed whine.

Hermes hung his head in shame. "I was so close...!"

Apollo only laughed. "Well, ha!_._ Guess you're just losing your touch, eh Hermes? Old age getting the best of you?"

"Shut-up Apollo. Nobody likes you! ...And besides on top of it all, you're older than me!"

The other didn't bother coming up with a reply and stuck his tongue out instead as a show of his maturity.

"Oh _real _mature, how to even thi–"

"Hermes?" Percy suddenly asked and Hermes blinked. "Yeeeah?"

"Could you get off?"

Hermes took notice of their situation, seemingly surprised by the fact that Percy had still been there all along. "Oh...sure!"

* * *

Now thinking about it, Percy had just realised that Hermes had taken his sweet time getting off of him – but this might all boil down to the fact that Percy was just an awkward turtle when it came to contact with other people and his mind always made it seem like a bigger deal than it actually was..At least though, Hermes had gotten off of him in the end and the teenager was able to escape at last and go on his way.

Of course, then after he had left his two weird foreign room-mates, Percy was able to face the next dilemma of the day.

_Finding the goddamn cafeteria before his stomach ingested itself._

Because he had no idea where it was.

See, as far as he knew, there were several cafeterias scattered all over campus and if he had any luck – he'd eventually stumble across one in the meantime.

Well, at least it had stopped raining though.

Sighing, Percy started to make his way across the campus once more. He twisted his lunch card around in his hands and made a turn away from the dorms.

Hmm...

Percy shoved his hands into his pockets and silently freaked when he noticed the lack of a phone before realising that Hermes still had it.

Stupid Hermes.

Stupid foreign room-mates.

Stupid College.

He took another turn and went up a plethora of brick steps before looking at the scenery around him. Brockport seriously liked bricks. Brick stones, brick buildings, brick quads, brick flooring, and brick statues. If he saw people made out of brick though, he was going _home_.

He wove around another brick building.

Maybe this college wouldn't be too bad though.

After all, there was the chance he could make friends with his weird room-mates and the fact that he probably wouldn't be forced to dorm with them again next year if he was invited back.

Percy smiled slightly.

It would be worth it wouldn't it? He'd be doing what his mom had wanted for him. That's probably what mattered most in the end. Without her, she wouldn't be here. Then again, his mom was–

_No. _Those were sad thoughts. He wasn't allowed to have sad thoughts. Rachel might find out and make him watch _Glee _with her for hours on end again. And he didn't care how cute the obviously stereotypical gay couple was – there no way in _hell _would he sit through that again.

Shaking his head, he made another turn and came to a long bridge that he knew connected to the top floor to some important building. He was about to make his way across it before he stopped abruptly.

He was lost.

_Goddammit._

_Damn, he was lost._

The teenage boy looked up at the cloudy sky before deciding to turn around and go back the same way. Maybe he could get some food in before his classes started.

Then suddenly, a voice called out to him: "Lost?"

That voice... "Apollo?" Percy turned around to see the blond walk towards him. Thankfully, he was wearing actual clothes this go around.

"Thought so!" The man called, walking forward and pointing at Percy with his extended arm. "You _are _lost!"

_ "_I'm not lost! What makes you say that?"

"Well, I know for a fact that none of your classes start this early, nor are any even over this bridge." Apollo replied matter of factly. "And not to mention, there's the fact that I ate your breakfast and I do hope you have realised that you've been standing here with a defeated look upon your face for the past five minutes. So yeah I have come to the conclusion that the Great Peresus Jackson is lost. Need help?"

"But–"

"Percy, Percy, Per_cy _Jackson, no buts – unless it's mine of course! I already know how beautiful it is and you do too. Point is, you're lost, I'm starving and my stomach is about to do the impossible and digest itself and I'm going to leave you behind if you don't listen. Now, are you coming or not?"

"Well, sure–"

Apollo didn't even let a complete sentence slip out of his mouth before cheering happily. "Excellent! Let's go!" He grabbed Percy's hand in a rather firm grip and begun on his way, happily dragging the teenage boy along with him.

* * *

Thankfully, both the men made it to the cafeteria in one piece, even though Percy had threatened suicide numerous times if Apollo didn't stop trying to sing "_We're Off to See the Wizard!_" over and over again. Apollo had decided against going to the smaller Cafeteria _Brockway _and went to _Union Square _instead. They got their food and Percy got to meet Apollo's friends.

Not to his surprise of course, Apollo had a lot of friends. Most of them were women. Again, he was unsurprised.

They all looked rather attractive and most of them were dressed in what seemed to be rather expensive clothing while a few others were dressed in apparently whatever they could find that morning.

Lovely.

"Guys, guys, and ladies," At this, he winked, "this is Percy. Percy, these are my totally awesome friends."

Some waved, others shot a glare, some ignored his presence and a few seemed very content on continuing to use the fluffy pancakes thankfully not covered in syrup as their pillows.

"So, this is your new room-mate?" One asked curiously. With sudden horror, Percy realised it was the girl Percy had walked in on with Apollo.

"Yeeeep! Isn't he cute? Wouldn't expect one like this to be such a cockblock!"

Percy shot an affronted look at Apollo. If there was one thing you did not do was call another man cute. Or sexy. Or a fag. Or a cockblock. Not if you valued your life and manhood.

Another snickered. "Oy, Phoebus. Drop the act and send the damn kid away." The guy who had snickered didn't look like a college student. He looked more like someone who belonged in prison.

"Really, bro. Don't be a dickwad." Apollo retorted.

"Why don't you come over here and make me?"

"Don't think so! Your Old Spice is _so _turning me off. Hello friends, look at Ares, now back to me, now back to Ares, now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he stopped using old pick up lines and switched to sexy haikus, he could be like me. Look down, back up? You're in a school cafeteria with the awesome me. What's in your hand, back to me. I have it, it's intelligence. Look again, the intelligence is now awesome. Anything is possible when your man acts like me. I'm _awesome_."

"That...That was the _worst _remake of Old Spice I have ever heard. I swear you can't get any gayer."

Another girl smacked Ares' arm violently. "Don't give him an excuse!"

"Ohohoho, jealous that you might lose me?" Apollo winked. "But anyway, it's obvious you guys don't want my awesome around. I'm gonna go elsewhere. Come on Percy! Tallyho!"

And once more, Percy found himself whisked off by the blond.

After half-way across the cafeteria, Apollo smiled slightly. "Don't mind them, Percy. I swear they're not like that all the time."

"They don't seem to like you very much."

Apollo only waved a hand nonchalantly. "Oh well, we're a family, we're supposed–"

"They're your family?"

The other froze suddenly as if he has just said something that he wasn't supposed to. He laughed awkwardly and scratched at the back of his head. "I mean, they're like family, y'know?"

Percy nodded, but definitely didn't believe him. If anything, Apollo was a crappy liar. But before the boy could ask any questions – Apollo had grabbed his arm again in excitement. "Oh look! I found us a spot to eat!"

Before the teenager could react, he was shoved into a next to a rather scrawny guy with a frizzy beard and rasta cap. With no warning, Apollo scooted into the spot next to him and squished Percy into the scrawny guy, who smelled much like a petting zoo.

"Phoebus."

"D."

Sitting across the table was a black haired man with an obscenely large nose, watery eyes and a tiger-striped t-shirt that Percy actually thought that should be banned in every state except Hawaii.

"Aren't you supposed to be teaching right now, Mr. D?"

"I'm on a lunch break." The man answered, plopping a cut-up strawberry into his mouth.

"But it's..." Apollo looked down at his phone. "...9:03 in the morning."

"Details, details, details. Besides, can't you see that I'm with a student?" Mr. D looked pointedly at the skinny guy sitting next to Percy. "Say Hello Grover."

Immediately, Grover gave a strange, scared sound and groped for words. "U-Uh hello...!"

Apollo only tsked. "Honestly, D. I never took you for a Cougar."

"Actually, the term's Manther." Percy piped in. "For Older men who like younger men, it's Manther."

"You–" Mr. D looked at Percy and blinked. "I don't know you. Who are you?"

"I–"

"–Don't care." Mr. D waved a hand and looked at Apollo. "I can assume this is the kid Hermes was talking about earlier? He's a lot scrawnier then they said..."

"Yeah! This is Percy. He's a lot cuter than I thought." Apollo answered happily. Percy grimly thought that there had to be an off-button for his happiness somewhere. He had to ask sometime, but knowing Apollo, he'd probably answer that it was in his pants or something.

Mr. D took a sip of his Diet Coke. "And you call _me _the Manther."

"Well, Percy called you that–"

"Point _is, _is that I have no point and I should be returning to class. Now, Grover, Peter Jackson–"

Apollo suddenly knocked the salt shaker over on the table, distracting Mr. D for a slight moment.

"As I was saying, Grover, Percy Johnson-"

"Percy Jackson, sir-"

"- Peter Javenstone, I _assume_ I'll be seeing you both in my class?"

"Wait, what class are you?"

Mr. D didn't answer but instead piled everything onto his tray and nodded his head at Apollo, completely ignoring Percy altogether.

When the teacher was gone, the teenager turned to Apollo in an utter state of confusion. "What...What just happened?"

"You just met Mr. D." Apollo answered cheerfully. "And he seems to like you!"

"So ignoring me and calling me by the wrong name is a sign of affection from that guy?"

"Yep! Be happy that he ignores you!"

"How is that–" Something suddenly dawned on him. "_How _did he even know my last name? I know he messed it up, but still the accuracy of that is just _creepy–"_

Apollo wiggled his fingers, interrupting Percy's sentence once more. "Magic!"

The one named Grover suddenly shuttered. "It's better than having to listen to him for the rest of your life..."

"Huh?"

The frail boy shook his head. "_Baaaahaha. _It's nothing. So yeah...I'm Grover Underwood. And you are...?"

"Percy Jackson."

"Nice to meet you!"

Apollo wrapped an arm around Percy and leaned over. "And I'm Apollo – Lord of all that is sexy and Percy's future lover, pleased to meet–"

Luckily, Percy's hand accidentally flung backwards and hit the other square in the face. Soon after that, Percy was able to get Apollo to actually introduce himself correctly without threatening physical force and the two were finally able to start their breakfasts and finish before the period ended.

As soon as breakfast was over, the three soon parted ways and Percy started on his way to his first class – which was Ceramics if he remembered correctly and he was pretty sure that he had it with Rachel. On his way out of _Union Square _though_, _Percy had the sudden overwhelming feeling to look at his class schedule again. Even though he was sure that he had the thing memorised, he felt like it was necessary.

"What the–"

In place of his original class which had been some fancy art class was instead a whole new class.

"_Introduction to Greek Mythology: Bacchus Dionysus_ [_Mr. D_.] **10:00am-11:00am**"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I don't care if you guys think it's silly to fight over a bagel, but I do care about how that means you haven't had Brooklyn's Water Company Bagels. I swear, those things are made of just...they-_they're beautiful oh my god._

Though, whenever I write something involving PJATO!Dionysus, I keep thinking "Flowers On the Wall" by the Statler Brothers. _Countin' flowers on the wall that don't bother me at all, playin' solitare till dawn with a deck of fifty one~_

And I'm sorry if the characterisation of Apollo seems all screwy and all that shit. I swear he doesn't act that blond all the time. I swear, he has some intelligence. Remember, the characterisations are a mix of Greek Myth and PJATO. I'm workin' on it._  
_


	4. Chapter 4

Just a Hyperbole

_sarcasticrainbow_

* * *

Some of things in life that Percy Jackson never expected to happen was to be kidnapped, make Rachel Dare a sandwich, and walk in on the the supposed God of the Sun with some hot chick. Unfortunately, all these things happened and now he's stuck with the consequences. **Apollo/Percy/Hermes AU College Elements**

* * *

**Four**

_Leave it all behind you now_  
_The final wall is breaking down_  
_We are all it's all about_  
_Nothing can stop us now_

_I promise you right know_  
_I never let you down_  
_Ready, set, go it's time to run_  
_The sky is changing we are one_  
_Together we can make it while the world is crashing down_  
_Don't turn around_

_Ready, Set, Go!_ By Tokio Hotel

* * *

If one word could completely sum up Percy Jackson's life it would be _fuck_.

Not damn, not shit, not _holy hell, how does this boy survive_, or even a fucking hell. It was just fuck. Not even the good fuck either, just _fuck_.

.::..~~.::.

After scanning his schedule and translating it into understandable English again, Percy had quickly found out that he now had Ceramics somewhere later in the afternoon and not at 10 like he originally thought. He was going to blame this mishap on his dyslexia of course, but that was before he had made his way to the building where History-related subjects were taught and had spotted Rachel at the door to Mr. D's room, looking confusingly at her schedule. When he had walked up to her, she had immediately snatched away his own schedule without a word and had her eyes skim over it quickly.

"This...This is some fucked up shit right here." Rachel said with a rather wry face, as if thinking of something painful. "And I thought my morning couldn't get any worse!"

Percy grimaced. "Please, my morning _sucked_. Don't even talk to me about horrible mornings."

"Oh?" The redhead raised an eyebrow. "Pray tell."

"Well, I fought with my weird foreign room-mate who was the one who stole my phone a few days over a bagel–"

"A bagel?"

"Yeah, so?"

"_Really, _Percy?"

The boy flushed slightly. "Shut-up! It was a Brooklyn Water Bagel! Now, as I saying. I fought with Hermes and Apollo stole the last bagel. Then I got lost on the way to the cafeteria and was found by Apollo, who dragged me there and tried harassing me in more ways than one. I possibly made an enemy out a guy who looks like he'd make me his bitch if I was prison, made a friend out of a guy who smells like a petting zoo and possibly got on the bad-side on the teacher for this class – who by the way, is a Manther."

"A Manther? Oh bro, you cannot tell how sorry I am for you right now. And he talked to you too?"

"Well, he ignored me actually."

"Then, why are you so worried?"

"Because," Percy answered with another grimace, "that's apparently the way he shows his affection towards others. _And he knows my name!"_

"That _is _creepy."

"Oh yeah. Definitely." Percy nodded in agreement. "But yeah, I think Apollo is hiding something."

"Braincells?"

"...Possibly. But no, he and that creep Hermes are definitely hiding something."

Rachel rubbed her chin. "Possibly, but still. What about our schedules?" She held up the two papers again for good measure."Again let me say, this shit is really fucked up. I mean for _reals_, messed up. I know for a fact that Ceramics was our first class because I remember checking last night and packing my Kermit smock and that ugly pink sweater my mum bought me last winter. I wonder if I'm becoming dyslexic or something–" The redhead suddenly looked at Percy in horror. "Dyslexia's contagious isn't it? Ohmygod, Percy why didn't you tell _me–_"

"Dyslexia isn't contagious." A girl with blonde hair and stormy grey eyes suddenly said, turning away from her group of friends to stare at Percy and Rachel seriously. "It's a gene-related disorder that is passed on normally from parent to offspring – didn't you take High-school Biology, _Rachel_?"

"Oh yes, _Annabeth." _Rachel answered, her voice thick with the sarcasm Percy had grown used to over the years. "I passed it with flying colours, because you know, I can _read _English and know how to properly paint"

The girl named Annabeth looked positively offended. "H-How dare you...! It's not my fault that I was diagnosed with Dyslexia when I was younger...And at least when I paint, I don't use my fingers!"

"It's _true _Art!" Rachel answered with a passion. Rachel Dare was the only person Percy knew that still used their fingers when painting still and normally, as odd as it was, when she used her fingers to paint – her art looked a lot more sophisticated then the arts done by her using a paintbrush.

Rachel suddenly huffed and turned to Percy. "Percy bro. Tell the girl how awesome of a painter I am!"

The teenager looked at his long-time friend incredulously. "You _have_ got to be kidding."

"Did I make a joke?" Rachel asked seriously. "You've seen my stuff! Tell her!"

"Well, er, uhh..." With suddenly being thrust into the spotlight, Percy felt himself fall off the train of concentration he had been riding upon. "Rachel, well, I really don't know–"

Annabeth huffed and smirked. "See? Even your so called friend doesn't want to admit how horrible your painting is–"

"All right! All right! This is a college hallway and not the cafeteria." A sudden voice droned and several people turned around to see a rather annoyed Mr. D make his way to the door. He fumbled slightly with his keys before finding the right one and shoving the door open violently. "I don't _care _if it's the first day back and you guys are all happy to see one another again and blahblahblah – I have a _hangover _the size of Kansas and my favourite tie is missing, so if you could all please _get in the goddamn classroom, _I don't think I'll have to hang any of you by the ankles from the rafters."

And with that threat, the herd of college students pushed and shoved their way into the room because they probably had an idea that Mr. D would follow through with his threat if provoked.

* * *

When Percy left the classroom, he was pretty sure that Mr. D. most likely completely hated him.

All through the class, the teacher kept calling on him and blaming him when he couldn't answer the question. He called Percy names, made fun of his hair and told him that he was going to fail the class. And of course, Rachel was silently laughing behind his back.

How he remained friends with her – he never knew.

Some part of him most of though must be masochistic to remain friends with her.

It had to be the irrational, fat Greek kid inside him that wanted to be friends. The fat Greek always wanted to be friends with _everyone_. Even if they were a jerk, an asshole, a moron or had an ego the _size of Manhattan, _they wanted to be friends. Except, of course, if this person was Turkish. Then it told them to set their bushes on fire.

But not to mention, Rachel has always been there.

For _everything._

He's known Rachel for years and has always questioned their friendship. Sometimes, she's great and sometimes...well. He can't stand her. They're a bad married couple, that's what his mum always sa–

He froze, stopping his mental thoughts. She was there through that too.

Percy ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't supposed to think about her; that situation. The therapist said so. Things like that could not be healed and such wounds as that would not let time heal them.

Percy checked his schedule again and released that he had English class next. Woot, English. The language he spoke but could barely understand. Fuckyeah.

"Hey Percy! Wait up!" That wasn't Rachel. Percy turned with a curiosity to see Annabeth stride towards him.

"Oh hi."

"What class do you have next?"

"English with...Some English class." He wasn't about to admit that he couldn't read the name of whoever was teaching that class. Looked like some Italian name.

"I was hoping you had Beginners Checking and Accounting."

"..._Hell _no."

"When do you have lunch then?"

"Two periods after English."

"Would you like to meet up then?"

Was this...Was this a the prospect of date? Would Percy finally experience what it would be like to be a normal teenager? He bubbled at the thought but pushed it all the way done and smiled casually. Well, at least he hoped it looked casually. "Sure!"

"Meet me at the B_rockway _cafeteria then?"

"All right, that's near my dorm anyway and I need to stop to check somethi–"

"You might want to want to reschedule that, Percy my dear!" A voice rang out and Rachel stepped forward. "_Because _you and I are going to eat together because we did not get to do such a thing seeing as you got yourself _lost _this morning. Which is damn hilarious seeing that you do not live far away from that place, like at all. So yeah broski. You, me, and your lunchcard have a date today."

Annabeth glared at Rachel. "He already said yes to me."

"Percy's my slave."

"He's a human being!"

"That's _implication_."

"You're ridicilous!"

"No I'm Rachel!"

Annabeth gave a slight yell of irritation. "You're an idiot! I'm leaving. Sorry Percy."

When she was gone, Rachel immediately rounded on Percy. "What the hell man! I thought we made a pact! Bros before hos!

"I'm pretty sure the pact broke when you left me to those lunatics, Rachel." Percy answered evenly.

"Come on, they can't be that bad!"

"You have not seen _anything_. Apollo likes to walk around naked in the morning and sleep naked and spend his evening hours naked. Hermes likes to steal things and likes to try and look at my letters. Yeah _those _letters. They're both big headed foreign weirdoes! I'm afraid to go to bed at night!"

Rachel winced. "Perce, I didn't know–"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I overreacted. Still, you don't live with them both. There's something...off about them. I'm pretty sure Hermes is middle-aged and that Apollo is secretly harbouring a BDSM fetish."

"You know one of these days they're going to overhear you."

There was a no voice entering their conversation and Percy groaned, throwing his arms over his face. Mr. D. had walked up behind Rachel without his own notice. This day was just going to _suck_. Mr. D. shifted the books underneath his arms and nodded to Rachel before frowning at Percy.

"Really, be nicer to your roommates, Mr. Javenstone–"

"Jackson."

"–After all, they gave up part of their room so you could stay with them."

"They did it _willingly_?" Such selfish creatures had willingly given him a room? What was this?

But Mr. D did not answer. "Get to your next class, Mr. Johnstand."

* * *

Rachel found him wandering away from his last class and obviously gravitating towards Annabeth who had been in the same class as him. She dragged him away quickly, smirking and taking pleasure in the rage that accumulated in the other girl's face.

"You're a bitch, you know that right?"

"Your mother told you not to swear to a lady." She answered back evenly.

They walked into Cafeteria and Rachel immediately dragged him into the Food Line. After getting what they both needed to feel their stomachs, they both paid for their lunches and went to go find a place to sit.

"So what do you think was up with those schedule changes?" Rachel immediately asked when they got into their seats.

"I dunno. Like I said earlier, we probably just didn't read them right or something..." Percy said before biting into his sandwich "Owebnoodinked."

Rachel smacked his head, causing sandwich bits to go flying. "Son, don't talk with your mouth full. People are going to start thinking you're unable to speak proper engrish."  
"I said 'Or we've been hoodwinked'."

"You might have something there!" Rachel laughed before she leaned in and looked at Percy seriously. "But really, I think we're being set up. It's just really weird that our schedules _both _got fucked up. I mean yeah man, I've heard of schedules changes and all that kalamazoo. But like this, right under our noses? That's just...Just...Magic."

Percy snorted. "Magic?"

"Well do you have a better answer?"

"...No."

"I thought so!" Rachel exclaimed and then sighed. "This shit is weird. And even though, me and you are no strangers to the weirdness. This blows your mum's story right out of the par –" She winced. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

"Is it really?"

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies."

"That doesn't really give me much to go on Perce!"

"I know."

* * *

_Dear Mum,  
How have you been? I've been great - _

_ Hey mom,  
School's been great. I hope you've been as well–_

_ Parental unit,  
My roommates are psychopaths. Please let me come ho–_

_ Mommy,_

_I love yo–_

One by one, the letters flew into the rubbish bin. Percy slammed his head down onto the desk in a fit of rage and groaned. He was attempting to write letters to his mother which was hard enough seeing as the letters were flying off the page here and there. It hurt his eyes after awhile.

_Dear mom,  
I'm not really liking this school, but I'm not giving up. My roommates are foreigners and Rachel has bene werid lately. Really werid. Weirder than normal. Our schedules both got switched though. To some guy with a large nose that lieks hairy hipsters. I'm scared mom. These people are weird. I miss _you–

The letters were getting no where. The letters were getting more and more sappy and weren't sounding like Percy at all.

Did it really matter though? His mum would never see them. But it was the thought that counted wasn't it?

He sat up and deposited his pen and looked at the calender before crossing off the date. Today had been a horrible day. Just an absolute _horrible _day all together. He had been harassed, made fun of, had had his breakfast stolen and was possibly on the hatred list of the most _pissy _teacher out there.

Percy left his chair and left his bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. Something was telling him that probably wasn't intelligent but he really needed his phone back from Hermes. He had to make a call somewhere and he didn't know where Rachel was at this time at night. Hopefully, the battery of his phone hadn't completely gone out.

And hopefully, it hadn't been gone through.

But his doubts stayed slimmed on that one.

Chances are curiosity had gotten the better of Hermes and he had shifted through Percy's messages like a child, possibly trying to get a gist of what the teenager was like through his messages and calls. Well, the man wasn't going to find anything incriminating. Percy couldn't be bothered with texting so his inbox was pretty much full of unopened messages that he couldn't be bothered with and a bunch of games he rarely ever played. Except for Robot Unicorn Attack. That was just addictive.

He knocked on the door and waited patiently (his form of patience of course) before knocking again.

There was slight muffling heard before the door opened and Hermes stepped out from behind it and Percy once more resisted the urge to call the other an old man. The roommate scratched his forehead and yawned. "Did you need something?"

"My cellphone."

"Your cell?"

"Yeah. I kinda need it."

"That's...kinda not possible right now."

The words let his mouth before he could really eve think about them. "If you flushed it down a toilet, I'm going to kick your ass back to whatever foreign land you came from."

"Oh come on Percy, that's a bit harsh isn't it? But yeah...I have your phone still. It's just in a bit of a compromising situation..."

"Did you get it taken away?"

"It hasn't left the dorms."

"Then...What happened to it?"

"Well– You're going to laugh."

"Well, your face_ is_ pretty funny looking."

Hermes scowled. "Hilarious."

Someone obviously didn't appreciate bad humour. "All right, what happened to my phone?"

"It–"

"Percy! You really need to clean your room."

Both men's head turned to see Apollo looking into Percy's room with scorn. The New Yorker had had that bad feeling that Apollo was a horrible neat freak and he had unforunately had been right. He sighed. "Sorry. I was writing a letter."

"You've killed trees, Percy. You're a _tree-killer_."

"And the amount of chemicals that go into your hair kills the environment." Hermes said smoothly.

"We're not playing this game."

"Because we both know I'd win."

"Oh, oh, _oh_. You would so not.

_Apollo is cool._

_Hermes is super uncool._

_I am so badass."_

Hermes smacked his forehead. "I would expect that your poetry abilities would grow overtime but I guess that I was wrong. Man, you're annoying."

"And man, you're not cool. Say, Percy. Why were you killing all those trees anyway?"

"None of your business."

"Oh come on!" The man whined. "Everything has a reason. Every person has a reason for doing something. If we didn't have this reason for anything, we would have no point in getting out of bed in the morning."

"It's _still _none of your business."

Percy could feel a headache coming on quite easily. It felt like his head was starting to spin and his eyes were still irritated from attempting to make sure all his letters were in proper English. This whole situation was just causing pain to form in his head and he wanted to just go soak in the tub for several hours. That's what he would do. After he escaped the two idiots, he would lock himself in the bathroom and soak in the tub until late at night before finally dragging himself into bed.

But with his luck, that would never happen and he would most likely end up getting dragged into an endless conversation.

"Never mind." He told Hermes in slight exasperation. "Just...Get my phone back from wherever the hell you put it and give it to me some other day of the week. I need a bath."

The boy then waved them both off and disappeared back into his bedroom to get his tools for bathing. When he was gone and the door was locked, Apollo turned to Hermes and laughed.

"You took his phone?"

"First day he got here?"

"And you lost it?"

"...I didn't lose it, per sé."

"Then what happened to it?"

"..."

"Well?"

"..."

"Oh come on man. They di–"

"They did."

"Are you going to tell him?"

Hermes looked at Apollo. The look was similar to that of a man looking at the bane of his existence. "How the hell am I supposed to tell a seventeen year old that my snakes attempted to digest his phone?"

"Magic."

"Just. Just _go home_."

* * *

Author's Notes:

man, this chapter blew chunks. I'm actually kind of sad as to how pathetic it really is. BUT. I had to get the chapter out. I already have plans for the fifth one thankfully, but I really need to do more research.

_PATHEIC ADVERTISEMENT: _Amite Obscuritatem by TheEvilMuffinToaster.

Holyshit guys. TEMT may be my friend and this may be ridiculously wrong BUT it is fucking amazing. Oh-Oh my gods, I swear I slightly fangasmed in my pants because of her. She brings up some great subjects though and I just...I just fucking _applauded_ when I finished it. It may be long but it is SO worth it man.

Anyway, read it.

But yeah, this chapter blows. I'm sorry it blows. It could be worse though.


	5. Chapter 5

Just a Hyperbole

_sarcasticrainbow_

* * *

Some of things in life that Percy Jackson never expected to happen was to be kidnapped, make Rachel Dare a sandwich, and walk in on the supposed God of the Sun with some hot chick. Unfortunately, all these things happened and now he's stuck with the consequences.**Apollo/Percy/Hermes AU College Elements**

* * *

**Five**

_An inviting voice heard in the distance  
Treading across the hidden paradise  
The betwitching light...The illusion that steals you away.  
Your screams can't be heard anymore.  
In the name of god._

_Only the number of sins increase  
Devoting everything, what can will sacrifice? _

In the name of God by Gakupo Kamui [VOCALOID]

* * *

_Mom, how are you doing? It's Perseus - _

_Mom, I miss you – _

_Mom, please write back - _

_Mom, I hate it here so much – _

_Mom, please come back to me. Mom, please._

_Mom, I wish you would remember me._

He hung up the tollphone and shoved his hands in his pockets. With a depressed sigh, Percy trudged back to his complex for another night of no sleep.

* * *

Apollo liked his new room-mate. There was a charm to the boy that just really gave Apollo a reason to smile. Well, not that he didn't have other reasons to smile because _come on_ with a smile as gorgeous as his you would definitely need to have many reasons. Percy was just one of the many, many reasons. He was one of the more special reasons.

And, it was also extremely fun to bug the poor life out of the kid.

He wasn't Apollo if he wasn't messing with someone.

Percy was one of those special people. He was one of those very special people. Too bad that there weren't many left ever. They were mistakes; never meant to be born and soon destroyed long not after their initial creation. Percy was special. He was very special. He survived childhood. He survived the terror that overtook what was once his mother. Percy was special.

Too special.

He took a last dragging hale from his cigarette and flicked the bud into the hand-shaped ashtray before readjusting himself on top of the nearby desk positioned in the middle of the room. It would be only minute or two until it would happen.

Apollo liked Percy.

He really did.

It almost made him feel bad for how it was all going to end.

The door jiggled then and Hermes walked through. Apollo whistled and rang out a greeting.

"_Helloooo, Gorgeous_!"

"..." Hermes took a moment to slap his face in a sign of sheer exasperation. He turned without a word and left the room. Apollo snorted.

"Douchebag. _Fine_, I was going to let you have a piece of this!"

"Sorry, you're a bit too worn around the edges if you ask me!"

"Baby, that only makes me better!"

"And I really don't _care_."

"Come on, you know you want this!" Apollo sat up on the desk. "Right, Percy? Hermes definitely wants a piece of this action. _Right_?"

"I am going to pretend we never had this conversation." The young boy yelled back. "I am going to pretend neither of you exist. _Goodbye pieces of my imagination."_

"Come on _Peeeeeercy_. You and Hermes can just share!"

There's no reply and Apollo scoffed. Fine, there's more for him then.

But it was moments like this where he started to feel bad. He really almost did feel bad.

But hey, everyone ended up dead at some point right?

* * *

The next day Percy had hoped to be a good one but he was wrong. He was always wrong in his own special little way. He had managed to wake up early that morning though and dive into the kitchen before attacked by the sight of the naked human body but to his displeasure they were out of cereal and the milk was slowly starting to imitate ice cream.

At least they had peanut butter and jelly though no bread. He used the rest of Apollo's English muffins for his sandwich before going on his way.

Things didn't start devolving into terrible until his last class of his second day. Thankfully, it was only forty minutes and it gave him not long before dinner. Sometimes, he didn't understand how this worked, seeing as he only had this class on certain days and he only needed so many hours... But worst of all though, he hadn't even signed up for that class! Did this school even realise that he suffered from ADHD and putting him into a shop where he's most likely not going to pay attention was a _terrible, _**horrible** and yet _exhilarating_ idea. He already had a bet going with Rachel that he was going to manage to set _something _on fire.

And he's also hungry as a motherfucker. Why did dinner have to be so far away. With the lack of attention and an empty stomach, he knew deep down that he's going to end up setting ablaze the entire shop.

As he slid into the seat next to Rachel, who was looking as confused as he was, he didn't even want to bother with reality any more. The class was full of talking idiots that looked too beautiful for their own good and full of rugged large people with darkened features that looked upon most of the pretty ones with wanton looks of content. He felt conscious of his skinny, fail body, the holey jeans and his worn beaten hoodie that was too out-of-place in all the camisoles and summer dresses.

"I found a new book to read." His best mate suddenly announced, also feeling the awkwardness of the room.

"Oh really? What's this one about?"

"I'm not sure honestly. So far I've gotten to the point where she walks in someone receiving a blowjob _unwillingly_."

"Another tragic comedy, Rach? Really?"

"I cannot help the fact that they're _hilarious." _Rachel admitted. "Come on man! They're a teenagers' dream wrapped in hormones and paper. Though, this one has some really awesome paper so I'm forgiving it for now, but if she has a love affair with several people – this book is going out the window right along with everything else."

Rachel set down her book down and leaned over to the side to pick up her bag. She opened to her mouth to speak but there was a snicker behind her and a tone cheerfully filled them both with thick, twining displeasure.

"They're not so bad when you get used to them, but of course, breaking into a girl's home and watching her sleep is a definite _no_."

The voice struck a cord of familiarity within Percy and the young teenager whipped around to face whoever it was behind him. The redhead beside Percy turned curiously as well."What the...? What're you doing here?"

Apollo snorted. "Learning. That's an obvs."

"No _shit_."

Of course, with the great stroke of luck, next to Apollo was the biker boy from breakfast yesterday. Percy decided that he wanted to die soon and that he felt that this was going to be a very long school-year. He could feel the _waves _of displeasure rolling off of the boy.

"No reason to say it like that man. I'm just pointing out the obvious to Percy of course! He sometimes needs guidance Ares. Sometimes like you do! You and Percy have so much in common!"

"We have _nothing _in common." The one named Ares growled. Percy winced. Well damn, it's been two days and there's already someone that wanted to spear him in half.

Hestiantly, he turned around in his seat to face the front of the class and slumped unhappily. He really does not trust Apollo sitting behind him. He doesn't trust _anyone _sitting behind him. He would rather take a wall, but with his luck, he wouldn't even be able to trust the damn _wall. _

He really wished he could trust someone here.

Apollo shifted behind him and suddenly appeared in-between him and Rachel. The redhead leaned away uncomfortably and tried to her book, which Percy found to be another one of those "tragic comedies" she loved so much. Apollo tried to look concerned, but it was nothing more than a mask. Percy tried hard not to sigh.

"Is something wrong, Perce?"

Percy blinked. "Why do you care?"

"Can't I be a caring person without getting accused of doing some bad?" The young man snorted before shrugging. "I was just asking. I was curious."

"Sit your ass back down, Apollo! I don't want that thing in my face!"

"Fine, fine! I was just trying to make conversation with Perce. No need to flip shit."

"I'm not even supposed to _be _here!" The biker growled. "He _hates _me and yet I'm in this fuckin' boring class anyway."

"I'm in his class too, so don't be bitchin' your hatred. Do you think it's really a good idea to be yelling about how much you hate him when his hearing is better than ours _and _he's in charge of your papers?"

"Like I care! He's an–"

"_AND SO SHE TRIED TO HOLD HIS HAND, BUT HE SLIPPED AWAY FROM HER AND WALKED AWAY; SHATTERING ALL HER HOPES AND DREAMS." _The booming, annoyed voice of Rachel knocked them all back into reality. She glared at the two boys behind her, almost bending her book of horrible romance back and forth in agitation. "Will you guys shut-_up?_ I am trying to _read _here – an act I do not know if you two are capable of accomplishing. If you interrupt me _one more time_, I **will** make sure that you never breed."

Ares was about to say something retorting to the angry redhead, a heavy book slammed down in front; alerting all the students to turn their attention to the front of the class.

Percy turned slowly away from the two idiots behind him, finding that he was despising this class more and more.

On a whim, he looked up to the teacher.

Immediately he turned to his best mate and uttered in a low voice,  
"_I don't want to live on this planet any more."_

The redhead chuckled and snorted. "Come on Perce. Whatever made you think that?"

Silently, he pointed ahead. Her green eyes follow his finger and they widened considerably. She leaned back as far as her chair could go and set her mouth in a firm, discomforted line.

"Don't want?"

"Do not want." Rachel repeated. "Definitely _do not want_."

"Is his beard on _fire_?"

"Shit man, is he Edward Teach?"

"What're the chances of him being the teacher?"

Ares snorted behind him. "That's him all right."

"Better get to know while you can!" Apollo added encouragingly.

"I wouldn't, if I were you. He's an asshole."

"An asshole to _you_, Ares."

"For no damn good reason!"

"You slept with his wife!"

"She was asking for it!"

"That's bull and we both know it."

"Apollo, I swear to _Zeus–_"

Out of no where, a book came soaring through the air. It just barely brushed past Percy's eye, moving his hair slightly out of glorious place, and flying behind him to smack Ares directly in the face. The biker boy began to swear up a storm and before Percy can even politely ask him if he's all right, a booming laugh drew his attention to the front of the class.

At first of course, he thought the man to be a joke. Then he thought the man to be a lost lumberjack or perhaps a confused homeless man. Then, as the man up front reorganised his books and stood up in the front of the room at what looked to be a hand-crafted metal desk, Percy realised that the man was his teacher and that he would be eaten _alive _if he misbehaved in this class.

The teacher was tall, broad and wide and looked as if he was manufactured to act as a part-time brick wall. He was an ugly man, but there was a grace to him. The way he flexed his fingers and made subtle movements suggested grace of a higher being. He was ugly, yet he was utterly fascinating. He had a ruddy complexion and thick, curly and unruly obsidian hair. His beard which would put Santa Claus' to shame seemed to be alight with fire and smoking creepily.

The man both fascinated and frightened him.

"Welcome to Metal-Shop." The man introduced proudly; his voice bouncing off of the walls of the room. "Actually, this is more of a "Do whatever the fuck you want as long as it involves some sort of work" class. For some reason, there are more of you than expected and some people here who _don't belong_." The man's gaze seemed to linger on Ares for a moment before snapping back to the rest of the class. "There seems to have been a mix-up, but for now – you're stuck!"

Several people laughed and the man barked out a laugh. Suddenly, a flame of red fire burst from his thick beard and a girl in the back screamed.

"If I could grow a beard..." Rachel sighed.

"It happens." The man explained calmly, as if it occurred often. He gave no other explanation. Then he cleared his throat and sat down at his desk. "My name is Vulcan Hephaestus and I hope that we won't get into stupid mishaps like my last class. Now, pair yourselves up and preprare to get dirty. You're going to being doing a lot of that in my class – bettter get used to it while you can."

As the majority of the class groaned, Percy felt the stare of someone on him. He looked up to the see the teacher staring at him. He was about to turn away, but then the man winked and turned away first.

_This is weird. Why is everything to so weird._

"Partners?" Rachel asked, holding out a brofist.

"Part –" Percy almost met the fist of his bestmate in a customary brofist of friendship, but someone pulled at his shoulder and tipped him sideways.

And Apollo was there, grinning; smiling like a benevolent fool with nothing better to do.

"I think you're going to be my partner." Apollo decided for himself and made ready to stand.

"But–"

"Oh hell no, Pretty-Boy. Peter is going to be _my _partner."

"It's _Percy_ and you can just gtfo, Ares. He's mine." A chill of fear made its way down Percy's spine. He spared a look at the guy behind him, who looked more menacing than he ever has before in the short time Percy has known him.

"Says who!"

"Your mom!"

"_Why you –"_

In an act of quick wit, he quickly met the still raised fist of Rachel. He shrugs off Apollo's ahnds and moved fast of their seats; scrambling to get away from Apollo and Ares immediately. As they make their way to the otherside of the room, they tried hard to ignore the itching in their back at someone's angry glare.

"I hate my life." Percy murmured.

"I hate your life too, broski." Rachel added unhelpfully.

"_Thanks._"

"No problem."

College sucked.

* * *

The moment the class ended, Percy was gone before the others realised it. Rachel blinked and shrugged and went to gather her stuff when a hand suddenly landed on her shoulder. She turned and looked up in confusion. That oddly hipster-like man roommate of her best mate was behind her. The look on his face was solid.

"Do you know what's up with Percy?"

"What do you mean?"

Apollo was a curious being. Rachel had known that from the start. He moved and talked and picked in a way as if he wanted to know every little thing about something. He was curious but lazy. Lazy and stupid. Though, he seemed like a man who wanted to know everything about something the moment the claws sunk in.

Kinda like her almost.

"Like, he's been acting odd lately."

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "You've known him for... two days now? I mean, yeah, he's seen you naked and the like but if I have learned anything from my time on the internet that automatically does not make you best-buds man – no matter what country you're from."

"Yeah so? He's just not seeming like a Percy should. Really man. What's up with him?"

"Why are you asking me dude? I'm not his mum. I don't know how tortured his soul is right now being surrounded by all these artfags. This isn't my business nor is it yours."

"I'm worried about him, Rach. Seriously, he's so mopey around the flat and everywhere else and I know he's not homesick, but I really just wanna look out for him. Do you know what's up?"

Almost, she was tempted to give him the actual answer. Sometime deep within her pulled at her to do so. But she couldn't. Percy would never forgive her. The tugging at her innings was something she would have to deal with. Something wanted her to tell him, and she didn't know if she would be able to stop it if she didn't get away. Rachel stood up with her stuff, having finally safely stored it away and looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm afraid that it's none of your business my good sir. I am under bro code and in no position to tell you anything. Nothing's wrong with Percy. Percy doesn't try to let the things bothering him show. Have you possibly considered the fact that there's _nothing wrong with him_ and that he hates it here?"

The redhead turned quickly and swung her messenger bag over her shoulder.

"Not is all as it seems." She threw her bag over her shoulder and almost stopped in her footing when she noticed the dark look in the man's eyes. His golden eyes seemed to glow like a dark, swirling melted golden. He looked menacing for a moment – a thought which she had deemed preposterous in their first few moments of meeting. He looked cruel, different, and most of all – _angry. _His fingers twitched and the chair beneath his fingers begins to bow with a thick _snap_.

Then, Apollo's head snapped up and his eyes meet Rachel's. The best mate of Percy gulped inaudibly and slowly began to walk away before bolting into a desperate run out of the room.

She had to tell Percy. Oddity or not, that was just _weird._ She had to tell Percy that his room-mate was a possibly psychopath and that he should change his lock and lock the door. She had to tell him.

Man, why did all the beautiful ones turn out to be psychopaths?

* * *

_Hey mom, just writing to tell you that I hate everything here and that I wish you would reply. Mom, please. I hate it here. I hate it here so much. Please remember me._

_Percy._

* * *

A.N.

I lied. I didn't have any plans for the fifth. Well, actually, I _think _I did. But if I did I soon quickly forgot them. Hah. I really hate myself sometimes.

And honestly, I despise the House of Night series. Everyone makes it out to be this great thing, but seriously...It's not. It's just cliches and a punch in the face to real vampires.

And guys, I'm not going to try to write them in any more classes. Because classes are boring and I don't like going through the tedious explanation of how stuff works, all right? Besides, I believe things will get a bit more interesting here in and out.

_Till next time~_


End file.
